in which katie is a magnet of awkward

I spent this past weekend in Buffalo, NY, visiting friends. Ladies and Gentlemen, I humbly present myself to you as one who is for some unknown reason highly attractive to Awkward.

Allow me to paint the scene... Actually, a few scenes, selected from the weekend.


LOCATION: a Greyhound bus terminal in Cleveland, OH. 
TIME: 8:30am.
ATMOSPHERE: sketchsketchsketch.

Our protagonist, a certain 'Katie,' has just watched her father exit the bus terminal in order to go to work. She begins to feel very conspicuous in her yellow Snoopy t-shirt and bright red hoodie with a giant paisley-printed pretzel on the front. She grips the book she is reading (Bad Religion, by Ross Douthat) a bit tighter and concentrates on the pages a bit more intensely, convincing herself that she will be able to disappear into the walls if she assumes a posture of nonchalance and I-could-hardly-care-less-that-I'm-in-a-Greyhound-terminal. Finally, she is called to load onto the bus. She is one of the first to board and finds a window seat in the middle. She hopes that no one will sit next to her.


LOCATION: a Greyhound bus from Cleveland, OH, to Buffalo, NY.
TIME: 11am.
ATMOSPHERE: desperation.

Our protagonist has been joined by a man of about 30 in bluish pixelated camo pants. He smells of cigarettes and sweat... or maybe that is the Amish family sitting across the aisle. He decides that a 4.5-hour bus ride is a perfect opportunity to share his life story, including discussion of past romantic relationships and drug use, all the while cursing like a sailor. We find Katie about halfway through the ride, staring furiously at her fingernails.

STRANGER: So my sister is getting married. Her engagement party is September 22!
KATIE [whose birthday is the same day]: Oh! that's... Hobbit Day.
STRANGER: ...Hobbit Day?
KATIE: Yes. Bilbo and Frodo Baggins' birthday.
STRANGER: You are such a dork. [Katie wonders what gives him the right to say this.] --But it's cute. You're cute. You look like a princess.
KATIE [wishing to exit the bus]: Umm...
STRANGER: Am I making you uncomfortable?
KATIE: Well...


LOCATION: a park in Buffalo, NY.
TIME: 9:30pm.
ATMOSPHERE: doom.

Katie and her friend Rebecca have met up with Rebecca's high school friend, Kelsey, to see a free performance of Shakespeare's Measure for Measure in the park. It is intermission.

KATIE: Where are the bathrooms, do you think?
REBECCA: There are port-a-potties up over there.
KATIE: Thanks!

Katie finds said port-a-potties. There are two rows facing each other. The closest source of light, other than a very smart woman's headlamp, is about 20 yards away. Katie enters a port-a-potty... and soon finds herself unable to exit. She begins to feel claustrophobic in the pitch-dark, 4x4' square that kinda smells bad. She runs her hand frantically over the door, attempting to find the latch while keeping her hair from falling into the urinal to her right. She considers what a port-a-potty rescue mission might look like.

KATIE: God help me.

Katie eventually finds the latch and exits the Place Where Light Goes To Die.


LOCATION: a house in a Buffalo suburb.
TIME: 8pm.
ATMOSPHERE: slap-happiness.

Katie has gone to visit her friend Mary Kate. They have just feasted on a lovely pasta supper, and they plan to make raspberry puff pastries. (By 'make' we mean 'take out of a box and bake on a cookie sheet.') They retrieve the pastries from the freezer. Somehow the pastries have managed to thaw and re-freeze, rendering them permanently attached to each other. Katie and Mary Kate proceed to put the whole block of them on a sheet and hope for the best. They have just been discussing relativism and are much more interested in their conversation than in digging up an ice pick to dislodge pastries from each other.

KATIE: They might not look like puff pastries, but I'm sure they'll still be good.
MARY KATE: If they don't look or taste like puff pastries, are they still puff pastries?
KATIE: Of course not! They can claim whatever they want, but saying they are puff pastries does not make the puff pastries.
MARY KATE: They are still useful, but they are not the fullness of puff pastry!
KATIE: The heretics.

Katie and Mary Kate at this point decide that keeping a straight face is no longer important, and summarily dissolve into peals of laughter.


LOCATION: a wings restaurant in Buffalo.
TIME: 6:45pm.
ATMOSPHERE: hope.

Katie, Rebecca, and Rebecca's mom have gone to get wings for dinner. Katie has never had wings before. She is a little frightened, knowing that Buffalo Mild Wings will still probably be too Wild for her. She is slightly placated by promises to get the mildest of the mild, even a step milder than Rebecca usually gets. Their order of Mild and Parmesan Garlic wings arrives.

KATIE [tasting a mild wing]: Hey! This isn't... too bad.
REBECCA: Good!
KATIE: Oh just kidding. My lips are burning.
REBECCA: You can eat the parmesan ones...
KATIE: Holy smokes my mouth hurts. Water!!


We also did things like talk, watch Gone with the Wind (for my first time!), and visit Niagara Falls. But let's be honest, the above scenes are probably more amusing to the general populace.

Also, pictures:

Niagara Falls

Relativist Puff Pastry with a side of Heresy