I recently read Rachel Held Evans' (very controversial) book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood. It is a record of her experiment within the context of being Christian and a woman: she was going to do All The Things! that a good Christian woman ought to do. She was going to live Biblical Womanhood.
'Biblical Womanhood' is a very ill-defined term, as she came to realize, but she did it anyway, and discussed it with great finesse and snark. While I don't think she is as totally derailed as John Piper's people do, I also did not have a life-changing revelation of oh my stars I've been wrong all along.
So I want to talk about my understanding of womanhood, femininity, feminism, gender roles, whatever... but first I want to give some context by way of stories. I grew up deeply entrenched in Evangelical Christianity. Baptist grandparents on both sides. Firm Bible-believing Apostle's-Creed-Christian parents. Presbyterian (PCA, for that matter) school. 100% of my friends were professing Christians... the conservative, Protestant kind. And what did that mean for me?
1. The ideal family model is complementarian.
All I ever saw from my parents and grandparents followed the assumption that
'Men and women are equal in the image of God, but maintain complementary differences in role and function. In the home, men lovingly are to lead their wives and family as women intelligently are to submit to the leadership of their husbands. In the church, while men and women share equally in the blessings of salvation, some governing and teaching roles are restricted to men.' (Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood)There was an assumption of male headship... even if the leadership my dad or grandpa practiced was not a strictly hierarchical or even remotely power-mongering sort, it was definitely leadership. Don't ask me to explain how; I can't. It just was.
2. Certain jobs are For Men Only.
A girl at my school was at one point certain that she was being called to be a pastor. This inclination was summarily tempered by gentle instructions from teachers (with Scripture references) and less-than-gentle scoffs from her 'less rebellious and more appropriately submissive' female peers. Myself included. (We, of course, did not use those words or actually scoff... but we were thinking them.)
Within the school, it was certain that Bible teachers for grades 7+ were to be men. The headmaster of the school also ought to be a man. This has led to an interesting conundrum for some as recently the headmaster left the school, and his job has been filled by an interim principal... the female principal of the Grammar School.
3. Actually, all leadership is For Men Only.
Even if that was not what was spoken, that is definitely what was heard. The student body president and vice president needed to be male. Female leadership in business and government was spoken of with a twinge of distaste (remember Hillary Clinton? Large twinge of distaste).
This has caused some angst as graduates went on to college and found ourselves in leadership positions. After being asked to serve as vice-president in ISI my freshman & sophomore year, I had to worry through the implications of what I would say if asked to be president. No can do. I can't be in charge; I'm a woman! But what if I'm the most qualified? I'm still a woman. Drat. (note: have gotten over this, especially since the role of 'Commander-In-Chief' has been pretty much dispelled entirely.)
4. A woman's ideal place is in the home.
People always spoke with pity about those kids whose moms worked out of the home. It was just a shame, wasn't it? Motherhood (particularly stay-at-home-motherhood) was always assumed to be the ideal for women. When asked, though, my parents seemed okay with the idea that I might not get married and have kids. As long as I didn't want to live at home forever.
5. Modesty is the prime consideration in dress.
Very early on, I heard that it was my job to remember boys when I was getting dressed. What would they think, looking at me in this outfit? Is it too revealing, too tight? (Secret: I was very glad that I at 13 had roughly the figure of a 13-year-old boy. I pitied the girls who actually had to worry about things like cleavage.)
If I had doubts, I could check the Modesty Survey posted on the Rebelution page, where boys and men had weighed in as to what exactly constitutes modest dress.
6. Taking the initiative is never my job...
To have told a boy I liked him without him approaching me first would be sleazy, desperate, and taking away his inborn right to/gift of leadership. And oh, did I ever cast judgement on those girls who did.
When it came to senior prom, my best friends and I were in a terrible bind... there were five of us in our class, two boys and three girls. Those two boys were pretty much definitely not going to ask us, and even if they had, there would have been at least one of us left over. We had to ask other boys to prom, unless of course we just bit it and went alone. We were quite angry at this predicament, and discussed it for long hours into the night. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a teensy bit guilty inviting a friend of mine... and I would not have done it at all had I not been certain there would be no chance of dating happening and anyone saying that I had started the relationship. What a scandal that would be.
7. ...in anything.
My church hosted swing dances a few times a month. It was fairly well-established, in my social circle, that boys were to ask girls to dance. There were some boys who would say no on principle if girls asked them to dance. If they didn't ask you, you were doomed to sit the evening out or learn how to lead so you could dance with other girls.
There was also the impression that emotions were only to exist as responses. It was shameful, I felt, to admit to having feelings for a guy if he had not indicated his first. Just embarrassing. And also wrong. I should get rid of those and not have feelings until I have been approached by a guy; then I am allowed to have feelings. (What good are they anyway, if I can't do anything with them?) (This is something I am still trying to get over.)
8. To be forward is to fail.
My good friend Christine and I use to tease each other about being 'forward' or 'brazen' or whatever. If it had been true, though, there definitely would have been an intervention. Our duty was to cultivate quiet, submissive spirits in all things. (That did not work out so well for me.)
9. Purity!
Were I to become emotionally attached to someone, I would give him a bit of myself I could never get back, so I should probably avoid that. Lesson taught complete with visual illustration/activity.
Physical boundaries were introduced into my head at age 11--no sex until marriage, for sure. Probably also no kissing until then either (although I'll admit I made that up... if we are going to do purity, let's do it right! The less physical contact, the purer; the purer, the better).
I thus learned that saying 'no' was very much allowed and very much important. I did not need physical intimacy to validate me. --In fact, maybe the lack thereof validated me? Thoughts.
10. Men should respect me because I am a woman.
After I entered my school in 6th grade, I think the only door I opened for myself was the door to the Ladies' Room. We were automatically first in line for everything and given preference if there were not enough seats for everyone. It was really nice, actually.
(This, unfortunately, did not always extend to our co-ed gym class, where I was not so much 'shown honor as a weaker vessel' as not really wanted for anybody's team ever. Whoops.)
There are probably a lot more implications of the culture in which I grew up on gender roles, but these are some of the outstanding ones. Obviously, some of the things that stand out the most are the things that are at disconnect with my desires and/or culture, so this list may seem overly negative, but that is not my intention. I just want to give an accurate frame to my discussion of AYoBW and feminism.
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